Sabrina Samone, TMP, 3/24/2013
I don’t like when someone asks me, “Who’s my hero in life?” In Greek mythology a hero was at least a demi-god, so to me very few can stand that unblemished on a pedestal. I prefer, whom I look up to and one of the biggest was Gloria Steinem. One of my favorite quotes of her is, “This is no simple reform. It really is a revolution. Sex and race, because they are easy and visible differences have been the primary ways of organizing human beings into superior and inferior groups and into the cheap labor in which this system still depends.”
If you are one of
those trans-feminist that’s the first in line to cast the first stone at a
trans-sex worker, you may want to stop here, because you will not agree with
what I have to say but you are whom I refer to. I have debated about writing on
this topic ever since a Trans face book friend who vehemently attacked Trans-women
who choose to exploit themselves or unfortunately found themselves in the
clutches of sex work, there is a difference between the two that I, for many
reasons, feels needs to be addressed. In no way am I even going to attempt to
defend sex work, but I do feel the need to address the demonization of
trans-women by trans-women.
I’m extremely supportive of individual rights. I supported Jack Kevorkian advocacy
for voluntary
euthanasia; a patient’s active participation in taking the last step in
their death. Who am I to tell you to suffer with the pain? Personally if I had
the option to give birth I would never under any circumstance have an abortion,
but who am I to deny your right to choose.
It’s the same to me, if you choose to be a porn actor or actress, or
prostitute, who am I to tell you otherwise,
as long as it is you, that’s made that decision.
There is a segment of Trans*, not just trans-women, that
find themselves forced by society to be nothing more. Thankfully this issue was brought up briefly
on the
Melissa-Harris Perry show with Trans* guest. The one statement that was made that I’d like
to high light was in reference to the new Arizona proposed bill of
criminalizing trans* for using restrooms and other related facilities that does
not match their birth certificate, yet in
that state the process of changing the gender on your I.D. to match your
presented identity is made to be a bureaucratic nightmare. Within that
particular dilemma, which is found in many states but not all, you’ll find your
trans-woman who’s been pushed sometimes to no other option than sex work.
Under those conditions in many places, trying to present your I.D. for work not matching your presentation will land your job application with a first class ticket to the garbage can, no matter how experienced you are in your field. Couple that with being new to transitioning, and not yet able to live stealth. As I’ve witnessed extremely successful people fall from financial glory during the process. One person who now is a sex worker didn’t start out that way. She began her transition around 45 at the height of a successful marriage and career as owner of a major construction company. First she lost her marriage, next her children’s love and respect, then along with being cheated by partners, her company and yet still eventually, her home. After down grading to a two bedroom apartment, during which time I met her as a neighbor, she continued to be ridiculed in public and not able to find work even at a fast food restaurant or I may ad as a bar back at a gay bar. After a year of going through savings, she faced eviction and asked me could she be a roommate, at the time I had a roommate yet let her have my couch. Pride would not let her stay long and she found her own way to pull herself up on her own feet. Yes, she became a sex worker.
Under those conditions in many places, trying to present your I.D. for work not matching your presentation will land your job application with a first class ticket to the garbage can, no matter how experienced you are in your field. Couple that with being new to transitioning, and not yet able to live stealth. As I’ve witnessed extremely successful people fall from financial glory during the process. One person who now is a sex worker didn’t start out that way. She began her transition around 45 at the height of a successful marriage and career as owner of a major construction company. First she lost her marriage, next her children’s love and respect, then along with being cheated by partners, her company and yet still eventually, her home. After down grading to a two bedroom apartment, during which time I met her as a neighbor, she continued to be ridiculed in public and not able to find work even at a fast food restaurant or I may ad as a bar back at a gay bar. After a year of going through savings, she faced eviction and asked me could she be a roommate, at the time I had a roommate yet let her have my couch. Pride would not let her stay long and she found her own way to pull herself up on her own feet. Yes, she became a sex worker.
Now my issue is with
those within the trans* community that refuse, maybe due to the fact that they
haven’t suffered as such or known of anyone who has, and decide to criminalize
and ostracize these women. They should be supported by the community,
outreached to, networked hopefully into work and more education as I have had
to be, but with no help or willingly helped from the “community”. Many therefore are not willing to be a part of the
fight for equality and advocacy due to this lack of concern or ostracism from
the community and we can’t afford to ignore numbers in our fight.
Yes there are many who just choose not to better themselves
with education or work, that is not whom I refer. Many people cis and Trans
choose to exploit themselves, and that’s something as old as time itself. But
when others do it at the cost of the alienation of those affected, it’s a
double slap sting that’s hard to recover. Think how hard it is as a Trans to
meet new friends and companions who support you, then imagine due to a
desperate mistake at a young age you are forever criminalized by your own
community who seeks inclusion but not willing to ever extend it to someone
who’s made mistakes. That must stop.
There are many people willing to exploit an averagely attractive, poor
Trans-woman in a sexual way and she can be left scarred for life by another’s
manipulation.
There are many outlets for online dating and the Trans
community has our small share. I’ve done online dating sites and a fan of an
even smaller few, but recently a site that advertises itself as a TS personal
site to trans* actually advertises to those willing to meet someone trans as a
TS booty call. This sadly is way too
common, exploiting the Trans community, specifically Trans-women. Obviously this particular site knows it would
offend a large portion of us, therefore they chose to mislead many trans-women
who maybe lonely and seeking something other than the typical “perv” by appearing to be something more.
There are many examples of cis-gender, heterosexual male owned sites that
exploit trans-women. I don’t even want to help promote so I want even mention
the full names, but Frankie’s is one that comes to mind that I know preys on
young (but legal ‘maybe’) girls. Many are contacted to pose nude or perform
solo sexual acts for men to then download and watch. They are paid pennies versus the thousands of
dollars this owner would make off the use of a girls image for the lifetime of
the site and it’s been around a long time.
There are girls who’ve admitted to me recently to accepting the small
donations in the early 90’s and their image is still earning for the site.
Many trans-women have been victimized to these sites, add in
the sometimes difficulty in finding work or continuing their education, they
are locked in the world of the sex industry.
Some never make it back out of the woods, but regardless in or out they
are no less or more our sisters that are fortunate enough never to have to
endure such obstacle. Prime example of a trans-woman that has pulled herself
out and why she is another I look up to is Toni Newman, author of I
Rise: the transformation of Toni Newman. She successfully did it and I’d like
to think all in the community supports her new work and not hold her past
against her.
Sadly just as in cis gender society, women who are
prostitutes are arrested and condemned while the exploiter goes untarnished, we
punish the exploited and reward the exploiter.
As women in a male controlled society still, we should know better. I’m so sick of women being blamed throughout
society because she refuses to submit and be exploited by a man, e.g. Lilith
becomes a demon because she refuses to be nothing less than Adam’s equal. There’s a lot we as trans people can learn
from feminist Gloria Steinem on exploitation of women by men but her quote,
“The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn but to
unlearn,” maybe the best example of how we should start.
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