Dear Daddy

OLD POEM BY SABRINA SAMONE

IT’S 11:59,
JUST ENOUGH TIME,
TO CLEAR MY MIND.
...
IT’S BEEN A WHILE THAT WE TALKED,
GUESS WHAT?
I DID TAKE MY FIRST WALK.
I STUMBLED, FUMBLED AND ALL THE ABOVE,
WITH EACH STEP I HOPED I COULD EARN YOUR LOVE.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL WAS A BLAST,
DESPITE ON MY WALK THEIR,
MUD,
ON ME,
WAS SPLASHED.

MOM TOOK ME ON MY FIRST PLANE TRIP AT NINE,
TO L. A. WHERE
I FEEL IN LOVE WITH THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN.

WHERE ARE YOU DADDY?
I’VE WAITED SUCH A LONG TIME.
IF YOU SEE ME IN HOLLYWOOD?
THEN WILL IT BE FINE?

I MEET A BOY NAMED PAUL MY JUNIOR YEAR,
WE TALKED EVERY NIGHT
BUT HE MENTIONED SEX SO MUCH IT MADE ME FEEL WEIRD.

DON’T BE MAD DAD, BUT MY FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE
I DID GET DRUNK,
AND MY ROOMATE SLIPTED INTO MY BED,
WHERE WE DID FUCK
NOTHING NEW I’M ASHAMED TO SAY,
EVEN MY FIRST LOVE,
MY VIRGINITY
HE DID FORCEFULLY TOOK.

I THOUGHT I MEET YOU SEVERAL TIMES,
THOUGHT YOU WERE BERNARD,
MARK,
TIM,
STEVE,
ANDREW,
DANIEL
DAVID,
TYRONE,
AND THE ARTIST NAME MICHEAL,
BUT JUST LIKE YOU,
THEY WOULD
LEAVE ME BEHIND.

TRIED TO END THE PAIN,
BUT AT THE TIME,
DEATH WAS NOT IN HIS PLAN.

WHAT WAS IT DADDY?
WHEN YOU LOOKED AT ME IN THE CRIB,
THAT YOUR HEART COULDN’T FEEL?
WAS I TOO UGLY DADDY?
IS THAT WHY YOU LEFT?
DID I SOUND TOO SWEET,
FOR US TO EVER MEET?
DID I WALK TOO FUNNY,
TO BE CALLED YOUR LIL BUNNY?

SOMETIMES I GOOGLE YOU
TO SEE WHERE YOU ARE.
BUT FACES ARE JUST CURIOUS FACES
CAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.

THIRTY-TWO YEARS HAS PASSED
AND I THINK NOW
THOUGHTS OF YOU
MUST BE MY LAST.

ILL DRY MY EYES ONCE AGAIN,
STOP MY SNIFFLES
AND FIND YET ANOTHER FRIEND.

STILL WISH I COULD SEE YOUR FACE,
AND ALL THAT COMES WITH,
BUT I GUESS YOU JUST WASN’T WORTH SHIT
WERE YOU MR. LESLIE SMITH.