By Sabrina Samone, TransMusePlanet April, 7
2013
There is a
pre-requisite to Transgender 101, and that is, transgender isn’t a form of
sexuality. Just a hypothesis of mine,
but maybe our Trans forbearers, though much respect is and should be given, may
have over looked this fundamental pre-requisite when educating LGB and Heterosexual cis-gender people about what
it means to be, Transgender. As a transgender person, you’d think it goes
without saying, but
the recent events involving the HRC, has gotten me to wonder about the root
of this issue. Throughout the evolution of Trans
Visibility we are more than not, facing the brick wall of ignorance to what
and who we are. Even with a million and one explanations of being trapped in
the wrong body, many cis-gender people, even those like the LGB that we may
have taken for granted would understand, often get it wrong. Even close LG
friends of mine seemed to always be amazed at what comes out of my mouth
regarding what it means to be Trans, as if receiving fresh never before heard
insights into our world. I’ve often just shrugged it off as just a lack of
discussions out there, but lately, though this may seem laughable, I think the
ones we refer to in the community as “Tranny Chasers,” may actually be leading
us to a clue. Transgender is more of a
medical condition and has nothing to do with sexuality. Of course, this has been said a million times
and is leading to a growing movement to do away with the term Transsexual. Just take a look at many of the issues
currently facing the trans*, the
AZ bathroom bill and the constant fear from cis-gender people thinking that
if trans children are allowed in the bathroom be fitting their presented gender,
sexual behavior will take place. We are
constantly judged sexually even though Transgender has zero to do with sex, any
sexual orientation or sexual behavior, all because cis-gender people forgot the
pre-requisite to Trans 101.
After
deciding on the Transmuseplanet
book of the month, ‘The Other Side of Silence-Men’s Lives and Gay Identities: A
20th Century History’ by John Loughery, something stood out to
me. Due to the work of many great Trans
activist like Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson and
countless Trans people today keeping the memory alive that it was Trans people
at the front of the lines during Stonewall, which gave
birth to the Gay movement, this book has reminded me one of the first steps to
why the attempt to erase transgender people from Stonewall history even took
place. They didn’t get the pre-requisite.
After stonewall, and the movement began, there were many in what was then
simply called the Homosexual Rights Movement sought to portray homosexual
people as normal as possible and one of the casualties were transgender people.
By the late 70’s the radicalism of Gay Liberation movement was eclipsed by a return to a more formal movement
that joined gay and lesbian into a civil rights movement. One of the first major accomplishments was to
no longer be listed as a mental illness. The American Psychological Association,
declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973, preferring to list
it as a normal variation of human sexual orientation. For those in the gay movement
who wanted mainstream society to view the gay man and lesbian woman as normal
as their neighbor, this was viewed as validation of that direction. Guess what at the time could not be classified
as a sexual orientation and could not be explained by gay and lesbian leaders
as normal, Transgender.
Most
transgender people agree, including myself, that being transgender has nothing
to do with sexuality. I’ll mention it
for the one millionth and two times, if a person is transgender they may be
gay, lesbian, pansexual, asexual or heterosexual, which also includes what I
call ‘trans love’. Trans-love, is
relations between a Trans-man and Trans-woman and therefore viewed as
heterosexual. For anyone that doesn’t know what cis-gender means, it is someone that is not transgender, therefore, also
considered to be heterosexual relations is that between a Trans-man and a Cis-gender
female or a Trans-female and Cis-gender man. Here is where those dreaded
“tranny chasers” comes in and how many times has any transperson that has come
in contact with one heard the internal turmoil question asked, “Does this mean
I’m gay that I like a trans-woman?,” This question has always made me laugh and
always made me pity cis-gender people; their need to torment themselves over
labels and issues. If you are a gay man or lesbian, you may find it funny as
well, but if I had a dime for every time I’ve been asked that question, I may
have enough to buy all of us our equality. If you are gay or lesbian, for one,
it is a sexual orientation, but also an attraction to the same sex, so if you
are a gay man you like to look at your partner and see all the attributes of a
man or masculinity and the same goes for being lesbian. In other words the basic self Identified gay
man does not look at a lesbian and want to have sexual relations and vice
versa. Basically same sex attraction, but you must also understand that sex is
not just between the legs, but part of the mind as well. It’s what turns you on, so if you are a
heterosexual man, you view the femininity or female form as appealing, period
and vice versa. That is a form of heterosexual attraction. There are Trans-men and women that also find
same sex form and mentality as appealing and therefore can be a trans-man that
is gay or trans-female that is lesbian.
Again, think beyond between the legs.
Think of the attraction felt when a man or woman walks into a room, this
is what you see, and this is what your mind makes your genitals respond
too. If you are a gay man and see an attractive
man you may or may not have any clue that man is a trans-man, all you see is a
handsome man, period. There are also as
many transpeople as there are cis-gender people who consider themselves
pansexual, and forgive me if you are pansexual and this sounds a little crude
but I am only trying to be as basic as possible for those that do not
understand, a pansexual person means it doesn’t matter what your sexual
orientation or gender, everyone is attractive and a potential mate. There are many of us, Transpeople that also
choose no sex at all. So what’s my point? The pre-requisite to understanding a
transgender person is to know that being transgender has zero to do with
sexuality.
I bring this
up because of a recent conversation with a Trans-male friend about the rise of HIV within the Trans*
and why. In a recent HIV prevention French video with
subtitles, a young
trans-man is about to have intercourse with a cis-gender gay man. When the T-guy asks for protection, the
cis-gender gay male says “why do I need protection? It’s not like I’ve ever
been with a trans-guy.” In our
conversation this brought up a host of issues we both agreed trans-men and
women face. Cis-gender people that think we have become transgender simply to
have sex. That the choice to inject ourselves weekly with estrogen and
testosterone, go thru mood swings, with body aches, have surgeries is simply to
attract, sexually, the type of people we desire, totally missing the
pre-requisite to being transgender.
Which is, and yes I will say it again so that it sinks in some ones
head, Transgender is not sexuality. This
is why a certain, not all, but a certain type of transgender admirers has been
given the dreaded label of “Tranny Chasers”, they are viewed by many of us as
potential rapist, pervs, tricks or stalkers because of their constant attitude
that you became who you are so that “They” could bless “us” with their
attention and sex. We, to “them”, were
medically treated so that they may have sexual experiences that go on in their
heads. “They” are loathed because of
lines like “I’ve never tried a trans before” and wait for an answer as if you’d
say, “ok that’s what I’m here for, I am a walking lab experiment, anything
you’d like to try, I’ve spent thousands so that you can use me like a blow up
doll.” And if you know of a working girl
or guy that is trans and are saying, “oh I know she or he likes me, I’m
special,” you really don’t want to know what they really think of you, it is
why you are considered and always will be considered a trick to them and very
few working girls fall in love with a trick, unless he’s paying out the ass.
So how does
this affect us as transgender people outside of the bedroom? The problem maybe just that, that few cis-gender
people still can’t see us outside of the bedroom. For the fight that sexual orientation no
longer be discriminated against and for the lack of being understood may have
been the reason an HRC (Human Rights Campaign), member caused a recent stir by
forcing a trans person to remove the transgender flag. It’s why we are pulling our hair out at the
comments from mainstream conservative media, that if a little biological boy
dressed and presented as a female, goes into the girls restroom, they’d automatically
have the urge to show themselves sexually to the other young girls. Totally missing the point that there are not too
many six year olds thinking of sex for one, but the fact that as a transgender
that would be the last part of themselves they’d want anyone to see because as
a transgender that hasn’t had S.R.S., most can’t stand even looking at the
genitals themselves and are often viewed by the transgender person as their
birth defect and how many people do you know that like showing their birth defects
off to the world. Not to mention what is
more confusing in a women’s bathroom, than a muscled, shirtless, hairy man
coming into the stall. How does that
help anyone? It will not only make those
in the restroom uncomfortable but is emotionally unbearable for the transperson
to have people screaming out of the restroom.
I had a gay friend ask me why I would ever even consider traveling to
another state to help protest that states decision to arrest a transperson from
using the bathroom that does not match what is on their birth certificate. Not only is it a Human Rights Issue, and to
go to the toilet has to be one of the most basic human rights behind clean air,
drinking water and food. But if we as a trans* sit back and let this happen in
one state we will have given the green light to every other state in the union
and therefore a clear message to the rest of the world that it is ok. And if a shapely, attractive woman who
happens to be Trans happens to make it out unharmed of a male bathroom and
thrown in a male prison, you have sentenced her to death, period. And anyone who claims to be my family or
friends that wouldn’t mind that happening in one state is basically telling me,
you wouldn’t mind that happening to me, you wouldn’t mind seeing me brutally
raped, beaten and killed. That is what
no action from cis-gender world, straight or LGB says to me loud and
clear. And while most cis-gender people
can’t separate transgender from sexuality, we as trans*, do have a duality of
thinking , and very well know you can’t and are more afraid of being sexually
assaulted by cis-gender people than you are of us.
So with
understanding the pre-requisite to transgender 101, now leads to the first
question we often hear, what exactly is Transgender? Transgender is a term used to describe people who may act, feel, think
or look different from the gender that they were assigned by society based on
their biological gender. That is the typical definition, but much easier if
viewed and realized that it is a medical condition called gender dysphoria.
Similar but not exactly like Anorexia nervosa, only to the point where one suffers from a distorted
body self-perception, we as transgender also look in the mirror and see an
image that does not fit with what’s in our mind. And is not a choice, it is something you
cannot live with, it angers me to hear gay and lesbian people who easily state
that their sexual orientation is not a choice but being transgender is. Though there are more than less supportive
gay and lesbian allies, there are still few that will not see being transgender
and how you see and wish to see yourself is no more a choice than it is whom
you are attracted to. I may have the choice to take the hormones, just as you
have the choice to be honest with yourself to accept whom you’re attracted to,
but not taking steps to be or have the body image in my mind is just like you
living a lie with someone you’re not attracted to. All that maybe required to learn about us is to begin truly
understanding the pre-requisite to Trans 101. Transgender is not sexuality but
a medical condition.
For
additional help in understanding your Trans family member, friend, co-worker or
neighbors, try these ten easy ways to understand.
10
Ways to be more Understanding and Welcoming of Transgender People
- Avoid making assumptions about gender identity or
sexual orientation.
- Respect a person’s identity and self-label, and respect
a person’s chosen name and pronoun preference. Practice offering your own
preferred pronouns when you meet new people.
- Do not assume a Trans-person is all-knowing and/or
wants to speak about Trans issues. Do not assume a Trans-person can speak
only about their Trans identity or that it is or is not an issue at all.
Learn more about transgender identity and gender diversity on your own.
- Recognize that “transgender” is not a sexual
orientation and educate yourself and others on the distinctions between
sexual orientation and gender identity/expression. Don’t say “lesbian,
gay, bisexual, and transgender” if you are only taking about sexuality.
Recognize that a person can identify with more than one of those labels.
- Use terms that encompass all genders rather than only
two (e.g., “children” instead of “boys and girls”; “people” instead of
“women and men”; “siblings,” “kindred,” or “brothers and sisters and
siblings of all genders” instead of “brothers and sisters”).
- Review member policies for gender-exclusive groups
sponsored by your congregation—do they make room to include transgender
people? Would people with non-binary identities have a way to be involved?
If your congregation ever uses forms that ask for gender, think about
whether that information is necessary. If it is, include a “Transgender”
option, as well as a box for “Other.” Also, ask for “gender” rather than
“sex.” Allow people to check more than one box.
- Talk to children about gender diversity. Provide
age-appropriate education around understanding one’s gender identity and
how gender roles and norms play out in our society.
- Create single occupancy, ADA-accessible bathroom(s) and
label them in a welcoming way (e.g., as “gender neutral” or “all gender”).
Make sure your signs elsewhere communicate that these bathroom(s) are
available and point the way.
- Do continuing education for your congregation
specifically on transgender issues. You might consider using one of the
recommended curricula below, a film showing and discussion, a panel
discussion, and/or a sermon on the topic.
- Learn about local and federal laws and how to change
them if they are not inclusive (e.g., non-discrimination policies around
employment, housing, credit, and public accommodations; name changes; and
gender marker changes). Follow the leadership of local and/or federal
transgender organizations.
At the end of the day remember
whatever you want to call yourself, we are all human and only want to be
treated with the respect, and love that all humans deserve and require.
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